Be different this Thanksgiving! Don't buy Cool Whip. Instead, buy a small carton of heavy whipping cream, then customize it. Add 2 TBSP powdered sugar for each Cup of Cream. Chill your bowl in the freezer for 1/2 hour first, then it will whip faster. It only takes a few minutes, and Cool Whip can't compare to real whipped cream. It makes your pumpkin pie and all desserts taste so much fresher.
You can add a teaspoon of almond or vanilla extract, or 1/3 cup brown sugar for a caramel flavored whipped cream. Add orange, lime or lemon shavings for a citrus flavored burst. Add 2 TBSP honey! You won't believe what this will do to an ordinary piece of Sara Lee pound cake.

"Lipton Recipe Secrets Savory Herb With Garlic Soup Mix"...Oh, it's a secret, alright. Such a secret that you can't even find it, except on Amazon. You can buy it for about $17 for a case of 12. Oh, you will use it all. My case lasts about 6 months. Nearly every recipe I make is better when I add this seasoning. Forget that it's a soup mix. WHO would actually eat garlic soup? No thanks.

I first discovered that adding it to butter with some parmesan cheese, made garlic bread so good that I didn't even want my steak. If I add some to tuna, it takes me back to the year 1978, when "Tuna Twist" was still available, the finest tuna additive known to man.

It makes alfredo pasta, spaghetti, and mexican dishes taste so much better. You can whisk it into melted butter and pour it over popcorn. Use it in your sandwich butter, and even on a cold sandwich, it tastes really good with lettuce. Add to casseroles too. Update! Today I mixed it with butter to spread it on rye bread for a grilled cheese made with Vermont white cheddar. O Yum.

This old woman is just creepy

My daughter and I used to love to make fun of the corny suggestions in the cookbooks, especially the old Better Homes and Gardens cookbook. UGH, their recipes are so gross! Every single one has "One lg. jar of black olives" and 4 heaping tablespoons of "prepared" mustard. My scanner isn't working right now (or, as my 101 year old Grandma Evelyn would say, it's "on the fritz," whatever the hell that means. ) or I would scan these pages in for you to see for yourself.

Anyway, I just ran across some and we even wrote angry comments next to what they wrote. It's a section in the cookbook called, "IF YOU DO NOT COOK." Underneath we wrote, "Why did you buy this book then, freak?" Their stupid tips, as if they were even worth writing down. Okay, here goes:


*Arrange sliced cheese and summer sausage on a platter!"
That shocking gem comes from Pearl Zehr of New Wilmington, PA.


*"Stop at a grocery store late on a Saturday night (why LATE SATURDAY I don't know) and buy a cheese cake mix and a can of CHEAP pie filling. (Not ONLY is she going late at night for some unknown reason, she's buying the CHEAP pie filling.) I love this: "Fix the cheesecake according to box directions." "Top with pie filling." 
(We wrote "Don't sprain yourself." LOL) Oh, wait! That tip is also from Pearl. Her last helpful tip to those who DO NOT COOK (apparently they don't read either, because they keep capitalizing the do not cook part.) is oh, okay I'll let you get your pen to write it down. Ready?


*Arrange some grapes on a glass plate, red and seedless green." I wonder who Pearl Z. was sleeping with to get THREE of her awesome tips in the cookbook? Okay, I'm probably just jealous because I never thought of those hints before.


Now Shirley Hochstetler from Ohio says: 
*"Fix a tray with venison trail bologna (ahhhhhhhhhhhh) 
head cheese and crackers."
Don't even get me started on head cheese. Ha Ha! Like you would want to. 
I mean is that really necessary? With so many things to eat in the world... why? OMG well I'm sorry but this isn't even funny. I'm holding my breath right now! I don't really want the head cheese picture here, but I thought it would lend some excitement to my post. I do apologize, it's making me so sick but I don't want to disappoint you. Do we really need head cheese for anything? oh never mind. But here's the best part! "
"Cut the bologna and head cheese on SATURDAY NIGHT and DON'T FORGET TO LEAVE SPACE FOR THE CRACKERS!"
I swear it says this.

(it says that!) what is their insistence on it being Saturday night? The section isn't called "Unique snack ideas that will be ready on Sunday morning." You guys remember what it's called, right?  IF YOU DO NOT COOK. (sorry, I won't tell you again)


They get much funnier from here, but I'd much rather wait until you could see the pages as they are. I sold about 300 cookbooks on Ebay and I wish I still had them all for the stuff we wrote in them alone. Okay, you win, one more. 


Lois Cressman offers, "I make little wieny picks," as I like to call them. I put a piece of a previously cooked weiner" (WHY) on a toothpick (Oh, you can get alot of food onto a toothpick) and add a cube of cheese. I TOP THIS OFF (like there's room) with ANY of the following "choices:" a dill pickle, a pineapple tidbit, a black olive OR an orange section." Then, lastly, Billie K. wrote, "Children are especially glad to have bread served at a get together." And I said, "I can see why." We'll make these tips a regular feature, don't you think that would be fun?

That's Pearl in the middle LOL! She looks really happy . Okay, it's not them but this is how I imagine them. You guys don't leave comments so I feel kind of psycho sometimes like I'm talking to no one. I'll try to make it easier to leave comments, I did get one that made my day from Tim, who told me he loved me because he was able to make delicious meals for his wife now. How sweet! You go, Tim! And how honored I felt to know that men come here? I never even thought of that.


Oh, here's someone who thinks she's really cool because she goes by three names. Elizabeth Weaver Bonnar adds: 
*"If I'm short on time, I'll buy healthy, natural crackers and serve them with a deli cheese such as swiss." Wow... I'm stunned... we wrote "get a life."


Then, not to be overshadowed by Elizabeths tip of serving healthy crackers, Mavis interjects (I like to picture them all shouting out their tips in a church basement) 
"I buy several jars of baby beets, and a log of liverwurst for my crackers!"
um..."stay home."

Another recipe created in the sleepless mind of Julie, and so good you will never prepare green bean casserole again! (Assuming you like asparagus, of course.) 
* 2 bunches of fresh asparagus, get the skinniest ones you can! 
Yes, they will be $8-10 for both. But you won't care!
While they're steaming, make the sauce. It takes about 10 minutes too.

When it's thick, mix it with the asparagus & bacon.

Let's talk about sauce and gravy for a second.

I hope you all have your whisks by now! 

Who doesn't love a real fattening vegetable recipe? Thanksgiving is coming and this year, if you never have, you are going to make the perfect gravy, no gravy packets. I was so scared to make gravy the first time, I always got the salty gravy packets, but when I made the real gravy in 1994, I felt like an idiot. It was so easy! If you have a whisk, a good sauce pan (that isn't all black & crusty,) you, too can make the perfect sauce or gravy. Did you know you can make alfredo sauce WAY better than Olive Garden? It's true. My daughter could by the time she was 12 or 13!  
One of the best things you can do for yourself or your guests, is to make some Pillsbury garlic bread sticks and  tube french bread, and make a batch of Alfredo sauce. You can make a gallon, it won't be enough. I'm pretty starving today. I'm sitting here eating caramel apple candy corn because they only have it once a year.


Alfredo Sauce
(if anyone ordered the Lipton Herb Garlic Mix from Amazon yet, it's amazing in this too)
To make enough for 3-4 people, 
4 TBSP. Butter
Stand there the whole time!
Melt it over medium heat
Add some roasted garlic
Add chives if you have them
Add 4-6 Cups Heavy Whipping Cream
Then add a whole bunch of Parm
The canned kind is better to make this than shredded
but only use Kraft! The other parms are gross
Add about 1-2 Cups, you'll know how much


It's like how do you know when you're going to go into labor?
No one knew! I asked and asked and no one really gave me an answer.

It's so simple, so why don't we add flavor to butter or margarine every single time?
Add cinnamon, orange or lemon zest, vanilla (or other flavored extracts) to butter before you spread onto toast, english muffins, pancakes, waffles, or bagels. Use as a dip for french toast sticks.

For use on dinner rolls, bread sticks or other hot bread, add garlic, onion salt, Parmesan cheese, chives, and a seasoning which I will reveal in an upcoming post entitles, "The Best ingredient in the World"

If you spread seasoned, flavored butter on any sandwich, (grilled cheese, roast beef, chicken or ham), and then broil it? It gets all brown and bubbly, and you will lay awake, silently praising yourself for what a great cook you are. (This has actually happened to me)

The back of a small spoon works best for blending. Keep in a small tupperware or margarine tub.

It's about time, right? Yes I know, and if my loyal readers knew why I hadn't been posting, you would all understand. As you know I've been working on changing the site. I'm not sure I should have, but it's too late now. Please let me know if the font colors are annoying and harder to read, or if you want to know how to make something, you don't even need to know what it's called, just explain it to me and I'll help. And don't forget to take the poll. I'm working on a comment section so you can leave comments too.
Now that holidays are coming, I urge any of you on a diet to just forget it and enjoy yourself. Life is far too short to deny yourself, worry about your weight in February. In the meantime, let's eat! If there are still some of you who don't have a crockpot, go to Walmart and get one right now, the bigger the better. You'll always wish it was bigger. If you have parties even twice a year, you need 2-3 at least! They will keep your dips and soups the right temp for guests. Remember you will need to add a little liquid every few hours in soups though.

all that's left of my cookbooks

If you don't have a crockpot, please go to Walmart and get one right now! If you don't cook much, or don't think you can, you will when you get a crockpot. You will actually use it! You can eat real food when you come home from work now. I will be adding lots of good, tested crockpot recipes from the freezing winters I spent in Minnesota and Iowa, and you will love them.

With a crockpot, you can pretend you're "going out to eat." You throw everything in, and forget it. The longer you forget it, the better it tastes. Then, you can pretend you didn't make it, because the kitchen is clean and there is one pot waiting with your dinner in it.

No one uses half the kitchen things they think they need. When I moved to Arizona, I had 47 boxes marked "Kitchen." I felt a spinning sort of madness unpacking the boxes. I had never moved with my kitchen before, and was overwhelmed by the ridiculous things I had bought. A $300. Vintage looking orange and chrome juicer? I never used it because it weighed about 200 pounds! THREE blenders? An art toaster, made by an artist? Anyway, there are 2 Kitchen items that I can't live without. One is my crockpot. I used to have 5, but now I'm down to one large one.

The other item is my Pizza Pizzazz. I gave it to my son when he moved out, (along with the juicer) but we used it so much, we didn't ever put it away. Anyway, watch for the crockpot recipes. The crockpot breakfast recipes are especially good to wake up to during the holidays.(and, the cinnamon punch and dips, stews, apple crisps). I used to have all 5 going at once.

I never thought I'd use a hammer in the kitchen. But I use it in almost every recipe I make! Who needs an expensive, hard to clean food processor? Just put nuts, ice, cereal, (for crumb coating) flavored chips (for casserole topping) in a large plastic bag, and pound away!

Disposable gloves are a must, unless you want to go around with gross things under your fingernails.

A good whisk is essential in making a great sauce or gravy without lumps, and for mixing seasonings into soups and stews.

I get asked this alot, so much that I will try to answer it. They come from within my twisted mind that is unable to sleep at night because of recipe ideas. I usually try to starve myself during my plumper periods, and this makes me think of food. Non-stop. You see, I have the unique experience of being a skinny girl and a fat girl. I was skinny most of my life, but once when I was 35, I gained 88 lbs. in 5 months, by accident. This unfortunate turn of events was caused by falling in love, eating a Dairy Queen Peanut Buster Parfait (without the peanuts) and an entire pan of Rice Krispie treats every night.

I had never been fat, and who knew that icecream was fattening? I also quit smoking, and I gained a little over four pounds a week without really noticing! It sounds ridiculous, but it happened. My husband liked me that way, but I think we all know that thin is better. Mostly so we don't have to wear clothes from the Target Cherokee section ever again! The horrors!

Every morning, I walked at 4:30 a.m. with my cairn terrier, Nards three miles, rain or shine. I bought exercise equipment, all that crap on late night T.V. I actually and honestly used it every single morning for about 2 years. Do you know what happened? I got really nice leg muscles, and six pack abs underneath my stomach rolls. I vowed to never exercise again. Oh, and I didn't lose even one pound. This is during the time I learned to cook. I spent all day at Borders, buying cookbooks. My haunted house had built in cookbook shelves in the kitchen, so that is why I started buying them. I collected about 400.

While I learned to make a gourmet meal each night for my family, I lost weight. I started smoking again too. I lost the 80 lbs. in seven months. I did this by eating nothing but Chewy Runts at night. I bought them by the case at Sams Club. I ate one normal meal a day around 3 P.M. I stayed thin for about seven years. Then whoops.

So, I've been fat again for about a year now. I don't eat that much, I swear! But, I'm 49 now, and living in this boiling canyon in Fountain Hills, Az. where it is beautiful, but 120' every day. It's almost Thanksgiving, and it was 96' today. So, I don't get out much.

My kids have moved out, and I've sold more than half of my cookbooks on Ebay. I got more for The Gooseberry Patch cookbooks than I paid for them! I don't cook every day anymore, and people aways want me to write a cookbook, open a restaurant, write out a recipe. So here they are. I can't believe they are in my head, like those old ladies you know who can't tell you the amounts of anything in a recipe when you ask. I hope this story didn't bore you too much. Oh, and I would put a fat pic of myself up so we can laugh at it, but I don't have fat pics taken. You know how it is.

Please share your fat stories! I'd love to hear them.
UPDATE: I'm skinny again. I've left the boiling hell of Fountain Hills, and returned to the cool, breezy, (high altitude) splendor of Bisbee, Az. I've lost around 40 pounds in the last 5 months. Why won't anyone share their fat stories? Come on, it will be fun.

Cream together:
1/2 Stick Unsalted Butter
2 Cups Dark Brown Sugar
1/2 tsp Cinnamon
1/4 tsp Cloves
1/4 tsp Nutmeg
1/2 tsp Vanilla Powder

When this is all mixed up, put it in a jar or other container, and keep it in the fridge. This will make enough for a week or two's worth for your coffee.
I make espresso, but regular coffee works too.
You just put about 1 TBSP of this mixture in the bottom of your cup
Then add your coffee, stir and add heavy cream or whipped cream
You have to keep this around during the holidays!

Don't miss out on this recipe if you need a man to fall in love with you. I swear it works! The first time I ever cooked dinner for my husband, I called my sister and asked her what I should make. She said, If you make your Cap'n Crunch Chicken with honey sauce , he won't have any choice but to love you", and it worked! No man can resist the power of this chicken. After 15 years, I asked him if the chicken was the reason. He said "it played a huge part in it." LOL! It's easy too! Please find it in the We Love Chicken section, and make it ASAP! Then, tell me your stories.